Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Confronting the "crises"

Update on previous post:

I'm told tomorrow at the home of R' Shmuel Berenbaum a group of around forty prominent rabbonim will be discussing the feasibility of having boys marry at a younger age.
posted by Yeshiva Orthodoxy
at 8:11 PM

12 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Berenbaum..

not Birnbaum

8:22 PM  
Blogger Classmate-Wearing-Yarmulka said...

It's true that there's an inbalance in the guy/girl ratio because there's whole lot of girls ages 19-22 that are dating, but not that many boys.

The smarter thing to do is to raise the dating age for girls, not lower the dating age for boys, who are immature enough at age 23; the last thing we need is more 19 year chasanim.

9:40 PM  
Anonymous vfb said...

--- The smarter thing to do is to raise the dating age for girls, not lower the dating age for boys, who are immature enough at age 23; the last thing we need is more 19 year chasanim. ---

The more years a girl is out of seminary, the more she can think fir herself and the less likely she is to want to support a husband learning in kollel.

11:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You obviously have a deep hatred for the people that you are indebted to for holding up the world. That doesn't surprise me, chazal say daat baal habayit hepach daat torah.

12:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Encouraging girls to marry later would also help solve a problem seen in a number of marriages.

An immature girl at 19 will probably be more mature a few years from now while the immature boy of 23 she marries has done all the maturing he's ever going to do.

Better have the girls who are still immature at 23 marry the immature boys.

On the other hand, that may leave a whole lot of immature 23 year old boys out in the cold.

1:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There is no way anyone is going to get girls to marry later in today's environment.

As it is, the trend is for girls to start to go out earlier since they're so afraid of becoming old maids

1:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Correct, the solution has to come from the boys side. The girls aren't going o wait, but that doesn't mean that the boys have to marry earlier. They simply need to begin dating/marrying closer to their age. The biggest roadblock there, however, is what the girls should be doing between 19-23. If a second year of seminary were encouraged as well as legitimate educational options for frum girls (no, Touro is not a legitimate option) were available, I think boys would have no problem dating girls closer to their own age. As it stands, however, girls their own age have been in a college or workplace atmosphere for several years and in many cases are simply no longer the type of girl they were coming right out of seminary in terms of hashkafas (though they still cling to the hope of a "learning boy"). These girls aren't attractive prospects for the 23 years old yeshiva bochur who wants to sit and learn for a bit after marriage and build a yeshivishe home. It's not age that's a factor, it's where they've been for the past few years. Give them a place to continue to grow and guys will embrace the idea of marrying "older girls", no question.

2:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why wait till after HS ? Maybe they should marry at 16 ? I think that is legal in various places. Maybe even at 14 (legal in some places with parental consent I believe) ? In the 1800's some married after their bar mitzvah. There you go - there's the answer to the 'crisis' ! What's wrong with you folks ? Why don't you think creatively ? Wake up !

3:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"around forty prominent rabbonim"

Rabbonim ? Roshei Yeshiva ?

3:14 PM  
Blogger Yeshiva Orthodoxy said...

Noviminsker and others.
Not only rabbonim, some lay people too.

3:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Besides for the shidduch crisis there are other issues to consider.
In my opinion going to Eretz Yisrael makes a lot of bochrim less yeshivish and makes them worse off. I'm not talking about the "do a year in Israel guys", they should certainly go, I'm talking about the yeshivishe oilam. There are certainly many bochrim who shteig, yet I've seen many that crash n burn. The hefkirus is insane as is the feeling of not being part of a yeshiva (in Mir Brisk etc.).
As for the immaturity issue I think that as long as the bochur can get along with another person and compromise and he is reasonably mature it shouldnt be a problem getting married at 21 instead of 23.
The solution would be to have bochrim enter a rosh yeshivas shiur a year younger (at say 17) stay for a few years (2-3) to get a mehalich in learning, then go to a yeshiva in America learning kodshim for a year n a half (the things you get from learning kodshim cant be missed) and then go to Lakewood. They would be bout 21 and rather welll grounded in learning. Also knowing that they are going into shidduchim at 21 would make a lot of bochrim grow up much faster and they would be quite mature. Sorry if my ideas are presented a tad disjointedly but hey this isn't a chaburah.
Just my "solution".

10:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

boys should go earlier and not have to go thru "nisyonos" of todays days . "pas besaloi" just like chazal say, and who ever denies the fact of "nisyonos" is fooling them selfs every bocher has nisyonos and has a hard time pushing it thru (the tvilas ezra issue)get real........

2:06 PM  

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